Imperfectly perfect life
For a long time, I've been pondering over all
the things that ever bothered me. I want to motivate the inner me, not the
outer one; I want to make myself realize about the things which hurt me the
most. The attachments, the closeness to the people. I had never been
attached to the materialistic world but I loved the stuff which belonged to
"my" people. I could never understand, why do people leave each
other? Why do our loved ones depart? My problem was that I wanted perfection in
myself and in this life and this gave me a lot of lessons.
Then one day, I was answered. The answer came from my own mind.
This answer was to my inner quest and this was a letter which my mind wrote to
my soul. I got to know my real problem. My attachments to my dear ones always hurt
me a lot. They were all nice but my heart had not been nice to me. I couldn't
even bear their harsh attitude. This heart always let me down.
My mind made my soul realize that the true attachment which I
should have is with the One who protected me throughout my life, who always
helped me when even I was not able to carry myself. I decided that yes, this
indeed was the root cause of my depression. My Expectations. The Holy Quran
says, 'Whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy
handhold that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.'
My pain and agony were due the expectations which I had
associated with the people. It doesn't mean that I didn't believe that Allah
would help me, but I was the one who had high expectations from people. It
was my fault.
My perfection loving nature harmed me the most. I wanted every
relationship to be perfect. But even then, my mind whispered in the ears of my
soul, 'life is not perfect'. This whisper astonished me. It was the real problem
that I had. I wanted everything and everyone to be perfect. But listen, if we
really give some margin to this life and people, it will not hurt that much.
We should leave our lives in the hands of our Creator, not in
the hand of His creation. We belong to the Heavens which are perfect and
eternal and we have to go there eventually. This 'duniya' is temporary and
imperfect. When we all will realize this, life will really be a bed of roses.
Because Allah the ever merciful, to whom we have to return assures in the
Quran, 'Verily with hardship comes ease'.
When you and I will start focusing on the word "with"
in this ayah, life will go smooth. My mind assured my soul that when I will
look upon the good things when there is any hardship, life will go smoothly.
And summing up my letter, I would say:
Keep your expectations with Allah and never lose hope. You don't
need people to be perfect because you and I are also not perfect. Stay happy
with all that is in your hand!
To,
My confused soul
From,
My satisfied mind.
Kashaf Saeed (Batch of 2022)
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