An Insight

Dearest self,

I've been meaning to write this letter since long, though it does feel old writing this to you because it'll be didactic and evangelizing on some pedestal. But darling, you do need this.

I've spent 18 long years seeing you grow up. Learn things. Make mistakes. Grow. It's been quite a journey! Of course I don't count the initial five years because you have no recollections of them except for fancy flashbacks of your birthdays!

Arham dearest, first and foremost, I want to say you're doing fine. I know that for most of the time of your life, you've lived under a veneer- Afraid of betraying your true inner self. Lived under a shell, a shell that might have given you refuge. But darling, it can explode too, because you are explosive. You burst with emotions, brim with sensitivity. And all this time, you've masked it. Afraid that you'll be called a loon over it. Tagged dramatic over it. Nicknamed OCD over it. Judged vulnerable for it.

I know you've been told things that hurt you. Cringed you in the stomach. Still, you acted cool. Like it didn't matter. Like the criticisms could never bring you down because you're so macho. Strong like a wall. When in actuality, they did. You've cracked under pressure and expectations many times. Still, you curbed them. Then got called cool for it. Cool? For a person who doesn't express? They see the surface, not the depth of the ocean. Not the crevices of your soul.

We all humans feel the same. The only thing that makes us of another spectrum is deciding what face to put on.

Why have you been afraid, darl? Afraid you'll be ostracized by friends and peers? Afraid you'll offend someone by sheer honesty? Giving people a reality check?

The fear is primal, engraved in our instincts. But hey! Remember one thing. You aren't the only one. No matter how endorsed you may be of the fact that you are a unique entity, you still are a contiguous part of the fabric of human emotion.

There's a quote that goes as, "When you've hit rock bottom there's nowhere to go except up." Aren't you reassured by it? Aren't you invigorated by the stories of hundreds of struggles people put up to survive? We the human race, we're all for one and one for all. Steph hawking says that Intelligence is the adaptability to change. Change is painful but change is what yields diamonds from coal. Change is what changes mere plates to mountains. Change is the only constant no matter how tremulous it could be at times. It is woven into life. And it's time that you too, adapt to it.

I'll be there when you face backlashes, face criticisms, get put down.

I'll be your spirit animal- The Phoenix, which rises from the ashes every time it's destroyed. I will have your back when you'll be gallant enough to be your true self- The part which is beautiful in its rawest forms, which needs no veneer. You've made mistakes. Wronged people. Done good. Achieved things. But it's a continuum. And you'll steer through. Through melancholy and ecstasy. Through ease and difficulty. Through pain with endurance. Because you are the cosmos. Resilient and paradoxical. And you'll be okay, I assure you. You'll do fine.

Your shrink,

The one that gets you through and through.

Arham Nadeem (Batch of 2020)