Him - The Refuge From Despair

I could feel myself sinking as if falling in an abyss; my body bearing the weight of the whole world on my chest and my soul drowning in a bottomless sea.

I tried to lift myself up, tried to spread my wings to reach the sky but the darkness like a stinging sensation engulfed my body and I felt motionless in my turmoil. I felt numb as if all emotions had been drained off from my body and everything in this wide world had come to a halt and the earth had stopped spinning around its axis but just the faint noise of the ticking clock helped me regain my senses that time did not stop as it goes on... tick-tock...tick tock.

Sitting amongst the hundreds of students, their hushed murmurs and the teacher trying to make sense of the topic to the ones listening intently. I looked at the watch on my wrist... tick-tock, the needle moved. I looked at the clock on the wall...tick-tock, the seconds went by. Then, why did I feel that time had come to a standstill for me?

The questions asked to me by teacher kept lingering in the air as they went unanswered by me. Maybe one needs a reason to feel lost but why did I feel desolate even without reason? Logic isn't the only answer every time and to show empathy, one needs to be illogical at times as well. The eyes around me felt like arrows aimed at my aching body. I couldn't find a shelter for my despair.

Neither a reason, nor a solution was apparent. The clock kept ticking and I kept sinking further deeper. Though a pen in my hand, but unable to write anything on the paper, though holding a brush but all the colours seemed colourless and though the music kept playing in my ears and the voices of family and friends kept echoing but still the world seemed more bleak than ever.

Reluctantly, out of guilt I opened that book- The Holy Book, from which I used to avert my eyes. I opened it and when nothing in the world could pacify my wounded heart, the words in that book did it as if pulling me out of the abyss into a bright light. I could feel tears rolling down my numb face. I felt something awakening me from inside.

As I put it down, my heart was heavy and I walked towards the voice calling me. Why didn't I hear it before? And I felt as if I was freed from the rope  which tied me to the bottomless pit of despair. I fell on my knees and then my forehead touched the floor and I kept prostrating towards my lord with tears coming out of my eyes.

Now, even though the clock stopped ticking but, my heart kept beating. I could feel the darkness going off and I found my way out. It was with me all along but I turned a blind eye towards it. Now, I found it. I found my shelter of hope. And I will not let this light fade again and I will never let it go.

Maryam Batool (Class of 2021)