Solace

* This is an entry for the June Blog of the Month Competition

"I was always there for you but you failed to see me," said Ahmed.

He was holding her hand and telling her how he had waited for her and  now how he would alleviate her pain and make her the happiest person alive. She was amazed to hear these words. And suddenly she woke up from the dream. She was having these disturbing dreams for a long time now. She would always see herself getting married to Ahmed in her dreams. It was Fajar time when she woke up. She tried to untie the knot and thought to stand up for prayer but she bowed down to her nafs and slept.

The sun shone brilliantly and the green grass wet with the dew welcomed her with all of its softness into a new day where she could define her new priorities and reorganize her thoughts to start something new. She was engrossed in scrolling the news feed and thinking why my life is so hollow. She put her phone aside and was thinking about the dream.

Last time she had seen him, he was getting engaged to her. They were family friends but never had any interaction. She heard a message beep on Facebook. It was message from Ahmed. Her heart skipped a beat. At first she could not think if it was a dream or reality. This was the first time they were going to have an actual conversation. Her hopes were high and her heart in tachycardia. They had their first talk. It would be wrong to say that she was in love with him at first but after their first talk she could not stop herself from falling for him.

Time passed. She had not confessed her feelings for him. She started praying five times daily. In every prayer she used to ask Allah to make him hers. And in every prayer she used to pray for him and for his health and for his happiness in this world and hereafter. One night she got the courage and told him about everything but it was like he never cared.

She left praying. She was so heartbroken. Her dreams had not stopped. She started questioning Allah why would He let her dream about someone who was not meant for her. It was not in her hands. She never used to think about him that way until they had their first talk. Her dreams were for last 5 years. 

One night she had the same dream. "I was always there for you, you just failed to see me". She woke up crying. It was tahajjud time. This time she untied the knot and stood up for prayer. She went into sajdah and cried. She was thinking she had read somewhere the closest you cant get to Allah is in sajdah. She stayed in prostration till Fajar and just cried. She said her Fajar prayer and opened Quran. She had talked to Allah and now it was the time to hear Allah's reply.

And there it was in clear words:

"Aur jin logo nay apnay rab ki khushi kay liye sabar kia or namaz qaim ki" (Al-raad)

She just stopped there. She had got her reply. She instantly fell in love with Allah. She had to be patient for Allah and pray her namaz. She thought why Allah had used the word * waqamus salata* *namaz qaim kro*. It was like she had to build up something which was made up of different components. She took out her namaz book which the Qari sir had taught her when she was seven. She read it and realized there were so many mistakes in her way of offering a prayer. She rectified her mistakes and offered Fajar again. 

She started protecting her namaz even the thought of leaving namaz would make her cringe so badly.

Her dreams had stopped for a while now. 

But she still wanted to know what those dreams meant. She opened Quran for her answer because the best answers are only from Allah. 

She opened Surah Yusuf. She read the tafseer and realized that dreams are only symbols. She thought of her dreams again. Two things were in common in all of her dreams. They used to wake her up for Fajr and she would always hear the words "I was always here for you but you failed to see me". And now in her life Namaz was the only thing she had. She had finally interpreted her dream. It was never about Ahmed. It was a call from Allah. It was call for namaz which was always there for her but she always failed to see it.

Her heart finally recovered from the scars of an unfound love because she found solace in her prayers. 

If my friends you have something ,you think is continuously disturbing you, think about it. It may be something that your soul yearns for. And soul only wants to please Allah and its only by patience and prayers.

- Shaiza Sharif (Class of 2017)